I’ve realized something about myself lately. In the past, when I would get depressed, I would avoid everything. I would tell myself that it was no use going out because everything sucked and there was no way I could have a good day. That is no way to live.
I have surprised myself time and time again in the past month or so that I am different now. I can cry for however long or feel however badly about things, but still manage to go through with my obligations and not sabotage the things that I do appreciate in my life. Even if I can’t find the reasons to keep going in the moment, I do it and my day is better for it. I’m not perfect, and there’s a lot more to life that I wish I could live but do not out of fear. But I am making good changes. This is the beginning of becoming the kind of person that I want to be.
I owe this to growing up and learning things the hard way. I have lost or at least severely damaged some very important relationships and other things in my life, and I don’t want to be the one to blame for that any more. I don’t want to hurt other people because of my own insecurities. They don’t deserve that.
I am taking responsibility. I know that this life is purely my own. While other people may come and go, and some may even stick around with you for longer, it’s still just going to be you. You are always you. Wherever you go, there you are.
When I’m really down, something I’ve found that almost always helps me to fall asleep is remembering our own insignificance to the world and to the universe. Think of all the people. Remember that everyone has their problems. And remember that everyone’s suffering, combined, is still so small compared to how large our universe is. You are going to be okay. Maybe some will take that in a negative way, but for me, it is really helpful because as a result I just worry so much less. The thoughts weigh less on my conscience because I don’t give them the weight.
It is very important for me to own up to this and put it in to words to remind myself that I am a good person and have lots to be thankful for, and reasons to keep on truckin’. It’s unfortunate that cliches like “be thankful for what you do have” are only really effective when you reach them on your own. I know that when I’m having a bad day, a friend telling me that “things will get better” does not help at all. So while I don’t expect these words to be super life changing for anyone out there who is struggling, I hope it is at least relatable and can help keep you afloat if you need that buoyancy.